i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
