btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
