My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
