Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh god the rape fog is back!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
