The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Semen is not good for contacts.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
