i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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