She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize