Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
