dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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