i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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