Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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