we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
