I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
