just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
