I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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