Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
