As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
