How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
