i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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