if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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