Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
