My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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