Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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