Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
