is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Randomize
