i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
