I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
