There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
