I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize