i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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