Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
