No stitches, just platelets and will power
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
