I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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