AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize