Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
