His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
