i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
