i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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