Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
