can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
