You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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