you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize