I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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