I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
