We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
