my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
