What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
