I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
