I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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