Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
