i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
