pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
