You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
