end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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