One girl and one boy is just not enough.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
