so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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