She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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