just come out here and I will go home with you...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
