I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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