Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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