At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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