Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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