I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
