she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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