where am i from again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need water and some morals
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
