i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
