She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
