OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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