Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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