My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
