I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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