You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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