My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
