Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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