He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
