Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
