Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
