Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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