I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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