My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
