i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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