well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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