we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
