I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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