Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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