What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
