you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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