i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
