life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
