I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
this is an emotional support booty call
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
