i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
