just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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