ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize