I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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