Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
