I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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