I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
