first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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