I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize