dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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